Top Ten Doctors. Also, Two Minutes to Belgium.

Top Ten Doctors:

10. 7th
9. 8th
8. 6th
7. 3rd
6. 4th
5. 1st
4. 9th
3. 2nd
2. 5th
1. 10th

Right, so that's that done.

And now:



Okay, I'm a dork, but there's a little bit near the end there that does the heart good.

Harmonizin'

From the Archives: Another Public Service Announcement

Warning. Orca is a master of disguise. He is also insidious. So watch
out.

That is all.

Test: Can you spot the orca in this picture?

Pat Novak Says...

"I closed the shop early and I came home to read. Well, it wasn't a bad book, if you ever wanted to start a forest fire. It was one of those historical things, and the girl was just getting her second wind and her third man, when the door to my apartment opened, and the place began to get crowded. From where I sat, the crowd looked good. She sauntered in, moving slowly from side to side like a hundred and eighteen pounds of warm smoke. Her voice was alright, too. Reminded you of a furnace, full of marshmallows."

From Pat Novak for Hire November 24, 1946 - "Go Away, Dixie Gillian"

Cinema Report: "Kansas Is Corny!"

Watched Ralph Bakshi's American Pop this weekend. Haven't seen the whole thing in quite a while.

Not an entirely successful film, full of rotoscoping, stock footage, backgrounds with motionless crowds, some thin sound design, real songs and real voices attributed to ficitonal musicians, and so on.

It's pretty awesome, too, at least at certain points. Such as this one, which is one of my favorite scenes from any movie, ever.

Tony, the latest in the music-tinged family line (which stretches across the 20th century - it's one of those kinds of movies), leaves New York and heads cross-country to California. Along the way, he stops off in Kansas, and falls for a waitress in a roadside diner. After he works a shift as a dishwasher, they head into the cornfields:



There's a genuine sweetness there. And there's a great sense of pace, as the scene picks up speed in a series of starts and stops with Tony's performance (and the rotoscoping does work, in this scene at least, to preserve the performance, Robert Zemeckis take note). Tony surges ahead with rambling enthusiasm, ambition and desire, and then comes to a stop while gazing at her, and then starts up again, all leading to the moment where she quietly takes control of the scene, reduces him to single words, and offers him the fleeting promise of the final line. Really fine, fine stuff.

The rest of the movie doesn't usually hit this level, but there are a few moments, here and there. Might do a little review entry about the film later. I dunno. Is anyone reading this stuff?

From the Archives: Addendum to Public Service Announcement

Just in case you were thinking: "But I'm in Wisconsin. Orca can't get me here." Read the fine print on the Orca poster:

"He will hunt that person down . . . ACROSS ALL OBSTACLES."
That includes land.

Orca could, for example, catch a bus. Who's going to tell them they need exact change? Especially if they're zombie-Orca. Also, Mothman is often known to carry change. (Fucking Mothman.)

And keep in mind that, according to the poster, they are "one of the most intelligent creatures IN THE UNIVERSE." That's pretty damn smart. I'm sure those bastards could figure something out.

For example: Orca, also known as "sea wolves," often hunt in packs. As viewers of YouTube already know, they can also leap up onto shore and beat the shit out of seals. And then eat them. And then toss them thirty feet into the air and shit.

So who's to say one one Orca couldn't leap up onto shore, and then have one of his buddies jump up right behind him and push him further along. (The first Orca to make landfall, not the seal.) And then one of their other buddies could quit fucking around with that seal it's been tossing around, and jump up, and push the second Orca further up the beach, thus pushing the first Orca (now known as "Orca Zero") even further up the beach. And so on.

Now, there are about 100,000 of these bastards out there in the ocean, and they grow to about 30 feet, so by my calculations, Orca Zero could make it about 560 miles inland. This would take him past California and well into Nevada. So he hits Vegas with some change he bums off the Mothman (fucking Mothman), wins big on the slots (or just starts eating people till they give him money), and hires a fat ass limousine to take his fat ass to Wisconsin, where he will proceed to HUNT YOU DOWN WITH A RELENTLESS, TERRIBLE VENGEANCE - ACROSS SEAS, ACROSS TIME, ETC.

In the meantime, his buddies in the Orca daisy-chain would proceeed up and down the West Coat interior by means of a steamroller technique (c.f. Bob & Doug McKenzie).

Anyways. Don't get too comfortable, just because you're in Wisconsin.

Just sayin'.

P.S. See the photo below. Would you like to deal with a zombie attached to that? I wouldn't. (Though I suppose it would make the C.H.U.D. think twice. Or once. Them being C.H.U.D. and all.)

From the Archives: Public Service Announcement

(Click on the image to read the text first.)

Watch out for these bastards.

If you see one, do not, under any circumstances, even if it seems like a good idea, harm its mate. Not even for fun. Orca will hunt you down - across seas, sure, across all obstacles, fine, but also ACROSS TIME! You harm its mate today, Orca will kill you YESTERDAY!

On the other hand, at least it's not the Mothman.

Fucking Mothman.

We should all be grateful that they haven't formed an alliance. (Obviously, in such circumstances, the Mothman would use the Orca as some sort of an aircraft carrier which would HUNT YOU DOWN ACROSS TIME.)

That is all.

P.S. "Orca vs. Mothman" would make a fine move. It will serve as a sequel to "Zombie vs. C.H.U.D."
P.P.S. Zombie-Orcas would be really scary.

Top 10 Godzilla Movies

As an inauspicious start to this blog, here's my list of the top 10 Godzilla movies.

Eliminated from contention, because I haven't seen them yet, are "Godzilla Raids Again" (1955), "Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster" (1966), and "Godzilla vs. Megaguirus." So, in reverse order:

10. Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle for Earth (1992) - Mostly for the update of the Mothra song. (Sing along: "Mosuraya! Mosura! Dongan kasakuyan! Indo muu!")

9. Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973) - Jet Jaguar! (shhhiinnng!)

8. Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975) - Because I wish I had one. Even if he was sort of evil. Finger missiles make up for a lot of sins.

7. Godzilla 2000 (1999) - Probably my favorite model of Godzilla - all angry and toothy and spikey. Plus, he fights a giant rock.

6. Godzilla vs. Gigan (1972) - Gigan is the coolest dumb-looking monster this side of Space Godzilla. Also, the bad guys are giant space cockroaches from Nebula M who make their bid for world domination from a theme park.

5. Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (2001) - Nice to see G as a badass again. Poor ol' Baragon apparently gets no love, though. The second best kaiju team-up movie.

4. Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964) - Mothra died for our sins.

3. Godzilla vs. Hedorah (1971) - Better known as Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster. The most underrated Godzilla movie. It has cartoons, children's letters, hippies, science, a kid with a Godzilla toy, flying Godzilla, a fatal hilltop rave, and an acid trip where everyone turns into a fishhead. And a score that makes Godzilla seem drunk. And whatever happened to that poor cat on the stairwell of the dance club? This movie is insane. The recent U.S. DVD release loses something without the "Save the Earth" song, though. So skip to the 2 minute mark here for music and for fish.

2. Godzilla (1954) - Either version's cool. That oxygen destroyer used to scare the bejesus out of me when I was a kid. Akira Ifukube's main theme is perfection. Plus: Scientist With Eyepatch. Always a good thing.

1. Ghidora, The Three Headed Monster (1964) - Godzilla, Mothra and Rodan tag team against King Ghidorah, proving that if only kaiju used their stomping, supersonic flight, silk spitting and bad breath for niceness, the world would be a better place. Kind of a lesson for us all.

Okay. That is all.